How to Write a Truly Atrocious blog post.
The following are essential rules in the lesson entitled How to Write a Truly Atrocious blog post.
Rule 1
Make sure that you write about something completely unrelated to your readers. Make sure that the topic does not interest anyone in your target audience.
Rule 1 Part B
Write the blog post in the dryest possible form, drag it out so that you readers have lost the will to live after the first four lines. Make doubly sure that they are turned off reading the post before they even start by writing a headline that is both unrelated and uncompelling.
Let’s face it you don’t want your readers to be grabbed by the throat really gripped by what you are saying. Add " how to" in the title; after all, it worked for Dale Carnegie; and there is no way advertising has changed in the last eighty years! After all, why to reinvent the wheel.
Rule 2
How to Write the World’s worst blog post.
With Crappy images preferably ripped off! Make sure that you add an entirely unconnected image, or better still no image at all. If you add an image, forget to use the alt tag and completely forget to attribute that image. Under no circumstances use an infographic that may impart some useful knowledge. Preferably use a celebrity image, especially one that excites no one, why would you need a relevant graphic?
I mean you are in a hurry to write a blog post that will pay you boat loads of money. Who has time to put a graphic in, and of course there is no necessity to make sure that there are no spelinge mistakes.
While you are at, it never uses paragraphs or headlines that would break up your post and make it easier to read, after all, you are only going to write 350 words, and grammar can’t be that important in the lesson about how to write a truly atrocious blog post.
Don’t inject any humor whatsoever in the article, because if you do, your reader may glean something of your personality, your irrepressible bounce and respond to you personally. you don’t need comments, or social media shares – right.
How to Write a Truly Atrocious blog post.
The importance of keywords.
Make the maximum use of keywords, – use them at least twenty times per seventy words. Who cares whether your post makes sense, you don’t need anyone to read it, it does not have to make sense. In fact, only Google will notice it, and you can be sure your prospective readers won’t, and who gives an s*** that Google will notice it for all the wrong reasons.
All you need is for them to press the buy now button, nothing else matters. Talk down to your customers; it really does not matter what they think of you. Why would you want your reader to share the content on social media? Make sure that you make your readers think that you are only in it for the money because that is all you are in it for – right!
But numbers are compelling write, seven is a magic number, so I suggest you write about seven benefits of buying that dog lead. This is especially true if your blog is about growing the largest Aspidistra in the world. Make sure your niche is evergreen because everyone wants to know about how to grow organic parrot food (notice the " how to" in that sentence). I mean you may grab the attention of an Urdu speaking Pakistani who is struggling to learn English. He will not be sure what the blog is about, but hey all those how to's will help. if nothing else it will teach him how confusing the English language is , so job done.
Make sure that you have a call to action which is ambiguous, or better still no call to action and in no circumstance tell your customers what they need to know. Why should you know and understand their problems? Remind yourself that your object is how to write a truly atrocious blog post, there is no need to find and write about the solutions your target audience need. Be sure to make the call to action as hardline and crass and you can, one way to do that is to engage your readers by saying buy now every single sentence. Get to it buy now before I tell you what you why you may need it.
The final rule of how to write a truly atrocious blog post is never planning your article; I mean who the heck has time for that. There is no need to make it relevant to the last post, or the next post. What we have already established it is not relevant content to the blog, so why should it be pertinent to the content. Who needs linked content with a clear message, the only thing that is necessary is the buy now button, now go and press the fr*********** thing before I have to tell my poor long-suffering Urdu speaker why it is helpful. Under no circumstances use a high-quality training program like Wealthy Affiliate because you will learn how to identify a targeted focused niche market and communicate effectively with them.
You can also use it free of charge without going premium and without giving any of your credit card details, I mean who wants to join over a hundred thousand like-minded people who are prepared to help you every step of the way. You have access to the two owners, Carson and Kyle, all the time. Hey, they may be reading this as I speak and rewriting their lessons! In the final analysis you may as well find the easiest possible training to get yourself started. The internet is a confusing place when you first start to use it to make an income. Avoid the majority of the opitafalls by getting the rignt training.
Too funny, very clever post
I discovered your How to Write a Truly Atrocious blog post. | CATHERINE FORD page and noticed you could have a lot more traffic. Can I help you?
Thanks Gloria, it is a fairly new blog site and eventually the organic traffic will increase
I am a 19 year old female mother of a two-year-old daughter. I am not able to work because of my child but I know a lot about computers and the Internet. I want to start a website I do not know about what. I need IDEAS! I would like to make some profit on my website but I do not know how to do that or how to get companies to pay to put ads up on my website. I don’t even know where to go to start my own website. I need lots and lots of help if someone would like to help me out or maybe be partners with me when the website starts making a profit you will get a portion of the profits..
The best training you can get is at Wealthy Affiliate, http://tinyurl.com/ltptcqs. I have been there for seven years and have never left. It is more than an Internet training university, it is a community.
I have a blog on a custom domain and I only want my Family to be able to see it using a Password using Google’s Blogger!Can I do this
Can you recommend some websites to make fun posts and comments besides face book and tumblr?
I am new to blogging. How do I add a subscribe function to my site so new post will go to their email?
I know nothing about blogging, Its just that my friend tells me to use wordpress but I want to start my blog offline to save money. So, can I use ez generator as an offline blogger while using wordpress on it?.
Wouldn’t it be simpler to just use WP from the off, it is a very intuitive process. If you need help installing WP I can send you some videos – let me know
Thank you for another fantastic, tongue in cheek article. Rally gets the point across
I just wanted to ask if you ever have any problems with
hackers? My last blog (WordPress) was hacked
and I ended up losing several weeks of hard work due to no back up.
Do you have any methods to protect against hackers?
I’m not sure where you’re getting your information, but great topic. I needs to spend some time learning more or understanding more. Thanks for wonderful info I was looking for this information to start my research
Good information here about how to write a good blog post, I like your joking style. What do you think about Alexa rankings?
It’s a shame you don’t have a donate button! They are quite normal in Germany
Sarah, there are no plans to add a donate button to catherineford.com
What a great format to write how to write a good blog post, I find it hard to follow a formula to write a blog post but this has made things clearer.
It makes much more sense now
OK this is tongue in cheek, but a great way to get your point across about how to write a good blog post.
How to write a truly awful blog post, what a great headline. Thanks for hte tips
What a funny article I split my sides, yet you make some great points on the best way to write a blog.
Too funny
Please let me know if you’re looking for a article writer for your site.
You have some really great posts and I believe I would be a good asset.
If you ever want to take some of the load off,
I’d absolutely love to write some content for your blog in exchange for a link back to mine.
Please blast me an e-mail if interested. Cheers!
Thank you I’m always looking for good content and as you can see from the article title “how to write a truly atrocious blog post” I take my subject seriously! Give me a link to your blog and I will check out your writing style
Have you ever thought about writing an e-book or guest authoring on other blogs?
I have a blog centered on the same subjects you discuss and would love to have you share some stories/information. I know my
subscribers would value your work. If you are even remotely interested, feel free to send me an e-mail.
Hi Elisa
I do do Guest blogging but first I would like you to send me the link to your website
Hello there! This is kind of off topic but I need some advice from an established blog. Is it difficult to set up your own blog, like this one? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty quick. I’m thinking about making my own but I’m not sure where to begin. Do you have any tips or suggestions? Any help would be great
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i love your sense of humor.
Not everyone finds writing easy. Also not everyone who writes blogs has ERnglish as a first language.
It is difficult to put it all together as a beginner, your post helps
how are your aspidistras?
LOL
I have taken all your points and jotted them down as a cheat sheet to use as an SEO cheat sheet next time I write an article. THnak you for writing this in a way that makes sense
Its like you read my mind! You seem to know so much about this, like you wrote the book in it or
something.
Wow you are talking directly to me. Know I definitely have to know what an atrocious blog post is
What a very funny way of getting your point across
A humorous article with a serious point
I’m truly enjoying the design and layout of your website.
It’s a very easy on the eyes which makes it much
more enjoyable for me to come here and visit more often. Did you hire
out a designer to create your theme?
Hi Jonty, I always sue Studio press genesis themes because you can do anything with them
Thanks for any other excellent post. it hammers the point home
wonderful educational post in a funny setting
Fabulous way of putting it accross
Simply a smiling visitor here to share the love btw love your blog layout.
Exceptionally well written! A great perspective
A must read post!
Loving the info on this web site, you have done outstanding job on this post.
Too funny
Hi there, just wanted to say, I liked this post. Keep on posting like this, because I love your sense of humour!
Great content well written
Awesome post.Made me laugh
Loving the information on this website, you have done an outstanding job on the blog
posts.
I like the way you make your points very effectively through humor
Loving the info in this post
Everyday youexpand my knowledge
This article will help your readers structure their blog posts and help their SEO efforts
An interesting discussion !!
You have brought up very good points, in a very funny way.
You have brought up a very good points, thanks for the post.
Hi, just wanted to mention, I loved this article. It was helpful
Just a smiling visitor here to share the love
(:, btw outstanding style and design.
Howdy! This post could not be written much better! Going through this post reminds me of my previous roommate, he did everything with humor.